Sunday, May 19, 2013

Feeding my American heart.

This is about as American as this Mexican is gonna get! Something about those black and white stripes, the dark wash jean jacket, and my ruby red lips that have got me feeling like an all-american sweetheart. Regardless of what I am, I am constantly trying to feed my Mexican-American heart. 

Throughout high school I guarded my heart from meaningless relationships. I never wanted to be the girl who had a 2month relationship and thought she experienced actual love. I wanted to be the girl that when she's in a relationship it means something. At the ripe age of 19, I entered my very first relationship. It was with a boy I would have never expected. I went into the relationship with certain reservations, my whole heart wasn't in it but I figured I could learn to like him the way he liked me. But as his feelings grew, mine stayed the same. I ended up cheating on him. My heart ached. What had I done? I never thought I was capable of doing something so hurtful. I immediately broke up with him because it wasn't fair to him. But ever since then, I think I've been afraid to allow myself to care for someone again. I never want to hurt someone the way I hurt him. No one deserves that. I feel like a newborn vampire who's just realized the kind of monster she's become and never wants to feed ever again. She just wants to sit in her guilt and self-loathe. (Sorry, maybe I'm watching too much Vampire Diaries and relate wayyy too much to Elena Gilbert lmao.) However, everyday I have been learning new things about how I feel towards love and dating. But ultimately, I have lost the girl who was once so self-assured of how she felt and what she stood for. I feel like I've erased my old self and am discovering the new me everyday. Regardless of whether I want to or not.

Jean Jacket - Topshop
Stripe Dress - H&M
Boots - MTNG from Nasty Gal
Rings - UrbanOutfitters & Burlington Coat Factory.
Adieu, Rosy.

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